The Ranch evolved from The Candy Ranch who were Hartlepool’s premier boy band in the late 80‘s. By the early 90’s they could be found loitering around the Murray Street area of Hartlepool, in the throes of epic recording sessions, and trying to figure out what it was a band was supposed to do to… they didn’t really work it out, as their unpopularity is testimony to, but they had a go anyway. A first volume of their pop music is now available  – Onions for Nonkes is not a greatest hit compilation because they didn’t have any. It ncludes their version of The Loving Spoonful’s ‘Coconut Grove’, albeit moved geographically to Sandringham Road. The Ranch: Ian Holdforth guitar,  Terry Ashley drums,  David Willingham keyboards and Gav Bell bass and vocals. In the interests of fairness and balance…

“Bilge!” Nonk out of The Valentines

“They put the bish into rubbish… utter pants!” Peter from the group Savoy

“Aye, some of it’s canny.” Michael Arnell, Peterlee

“Boring crap, nothing like as good as The Quo… what a load of old goulash!” G Aves, Hartlepool

“Who?” Iain Wright, Labour MP for Hartlepool

“This kind of s**t here is why no-one likes these f***ing idiots!” Mick Donnelly, top trumpet player

“Typical stupid Teesside tossers.” Steve Daggett, Gateshead

“Fantastic.” Paul Coia, The Sunday Post

“Terry did much better stuff in The Holiday Patrons.” Chris Larkin, Newcastle upon Tyne

“I preferred Terry’s more experimental work with The Secret Chocolate Eaters.” Steve Shadforth

“Dave was miles better when he was in Taste of Freshness” Dom out of Shoot the Poet

“I drew cocks on their posters” Brendan, progressive rock musician from Seaton Carew

“Divs!” Colin Ellet

“Verba Verba were much better than these chumps” Ian Penman

“I think songs should have tunes” Fergal Sharkey

“Premmy, Premmy, Premmy, Premmy” Richie Premmy Waters

“Filthy” Joyce the Touchdown Cleaner